Jeremy Hardy Professions : Comedian Born : July 17, 1961 Browse All Authors Top 38 quotes by Jeremy Hardy Marriage is like the witness protection programme: you get all new clothes, you live in the suburbs, and you're not allowed to see your friends anymore. Jeremy Hardy protection clothes witness My daughter wanted a new pair of trainers. I told her You're eleven, make your own! Jeremy Hardy eleven pairs daughter All socialists have bad backs because we slouch - except when we're watching the news when we sit on the edge of our seats, shout, and wave our arms. Generally we sit hunched, arms crossed in a judgemental way, the whole of our bodies pulled into a frown. Jeremy Hardy judgemental news body It seems a shallow observation, but... the Tory Conference are not an attractive lot, are they? I mean, if all those people were born in the same village, you'd blame pollution, wouldn't you? Jeremy Hardy village mean people The Afghan War has clearly reached a stage similar to that moment at your child's party where you realise you've forgotten to give the other parents a pick up time. Jeremy Hardy party war children Most harm is done by people who are awake. Jeremy Hardy harm done people The only way you can ever accuse a Conservative of hypocrisy is if they walk past a homeless person without kicking him in the face. Jeremy Hardy kicking hypocrisy past If you just took everyone in the BNP and everyone who votes for them and shot them in the back of the head, there would be a brighter future for us all. Jeremy Hardy shots vote would-be You can inherit male-pattern baldness from your mother's father, but not a tendency to fight in the First World War. Jeremy Hardy mother war father Capitalism is a great idea in theory, but in practice it just doesn't work. Jeremy Hardy theory practice ideas Why don't people just accept that life is sad and cheer up? After all, it's not going to last for ever. Jeremy Hardy lasts cheer people Northern Ireland is part of Ireland, not Britain, as can clearly be seen from aerial photographs. Jeremy Hardy northern-ireland britain photograph The need to compile lists is a personality disorder, as is the need to assert the superiority of some things over other things. Jeremy Hardy lists personality needs I'm in the intriguing position of being a friend of Jeremy Corbyn and knowing him personally. It's quite a strange position to know somebody that's in the news and know the person who they're talking about and taking pictures of. Jeremy Hardy pictures friend know news The thing that interests me most about family history is the gap between the things we think we know about our families and the realities. Jeremy Hardy think me family history My idea of family is not dominated by blood ties. Families are fragile things, and I think it is social pressure and emotional attachments that keep them together. Jeremy Hardy think family pressure together I think ageing suits me because I was born old, like Spencer Tracy or Dolly the Sheep. Jeremy Hardy think me suits born The image of my face I hold in my mind is always about 10 years out of date. Jeremy Hardy image face always mind Being in the latter stages of life means the morning is unkind to the reflection. It takes a few hours for the creases to fall out. By about 4 P.M., I look quite nice. Jeremy Hardy look reflection morning life My maternal grandmother had what might be described in a school report as a 'lively imagination.' She told us that she was a direct descendant of Sir Christopher Wren. Jeremy Hardy she grandmother imagination school Similar Authors Bob Hope comedian Brent Weinbach comedian Buddy Hackett comedian Bruce Baum comedian Brother Theodore comedian Brother Dave Gardner comedian All Authors
