Milton Berle Professions : Comedian Born : July 12, 1908 Died : March 27, 2002 Browse All Authors Top 131 quotes by Milton Berle If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? Milton Berle hilarious mothers-day funny Laughter is an instant vacation. Milton Berle family happiness love If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. Milton Berle change motivational inspirational The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired. Milton Berle hilarious women funny I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are. Milton Berle encouraging inspiring love My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine. Milton Berle marriage perfect running My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. Milton Berle health running funny This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing! Milton Berle parent teacher children You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words. Milton Berle aging action You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think. Milton Berle inspiring graduation funny Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. Milton Berle marriage wife men Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign. Milton Berle land life america We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. Milton Berle television-watching humor funny Los Angeles is the home of the three little white lies: "The Ferrari is paid for," "The mortgage is assumable," and "It's just a cold sore! Milton Berle white home lying Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side? Milton Berle realising sides men They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones. Milton Berle christmas real tree A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!" Milton Berle witty jobs funny At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around. Milton Berle women two years A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them! Milton Berle missing men fall A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Milton Berle marriage husband love Similar Authors Bob Hope comedian Brent Weinbach comedian Buddy Hackett comedian Bruce Baum comedian Brother Theodore comedian Brother Dave Gardner comedian All Authors
