Quotes by Funny Graduation Try putting your iPhones down every once in a while and look at people's faces. Amy Poehler funny-graduation iphone people I graduated in 1989, and I'd focused almost entirely on the Soviet Union and communism ... so when the Berlin wall fell, I was, well, I was screwed. Anderson Cooper funny-graduation unions wall I too turned to Webster's Dictionary and it defined Harvard University as a season for gathering crops. Andy Samberg crops funny-graduation gathering Just remember, you can't climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets. Arnold Schwarzenegger funny-graduation failure pockets ... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech. Art Buchwald funny-graduation afterlife profound A relentless focus on the outward markers of success can lead to complacency. It can make you lazy. Barack Obama funny-graduation lazy focus When I was here there was still a requirement that students had to swim 50 yards to graduate...because Harry Elkins Widener had drowned with the sinking of the Titanic. And it made me very grateful at the time that he had not gone down in a plane crash. Barney Frank funny-graduation grateful swim Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job...Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of us. Bill Cosby funny-graduation pay jobs I can tell you how bad our boards are... I don't have to watch Saturday Night Live anymore; I just go to the board meetings. Carl Icahn funny-graduation night watches I've observed a few things about the few really great people I've had a chance to meet and cover...They need to be around people. You and I require sleep. They require people. David Brooks funny-graduation sleep people Now I usually try not to give advice. Information, yes, advice, no. But, what has worked for me may not work for you. Well, take for instance what has worked for me. Wigs. Tight clothes. Push up bras. Dolly Parton funny-graduation clothes giving Learn to trust yourself. That's very vital. ... Just stand with yourself. Remember, in his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only two paintings. I personally sold even fewer. Eric Idle funny-graduation painting two In this time of recession, it is the time for invention. Did you know both the telephone and the automobile were invented during recessions? So was 'talking dirty.' Eugene Mirman funny-graduation talking dirty Remember that there's no one way of doing things. ... If you just get a hammer and hit it really hard, whatever it is, I guarantee you it'll open. Fred Armisen funny-graduation hammers guarantees I wish that someone had said to me that it's normal to feel lost for a little while. Ira Glass funny-graduation wish littles When I made coffee and Xeroxed and distributed newspapers at ABC News, I thought my life was over. Katie Couric funny-graduation news coffee The work itself is the reward, and if I choose challenging work, it'll pay me back with interest. At least I'll be interested, even if nobody else is. Meryl Streep challenging-work funny-graduation challenges I was a Democrat before I was a Republican before I became an independent and I never changed my principles. Michael Bloomberg funny-graduation independent principles When you work for other people you'll find ... that they do know what's best for them, and for the company. And you should listen to them and be respectful, but they don't know what's best for you. Mike Judge funny-graduation respectful people Become goddesses of disobedience. Naomi Wolf funny-graduation goddess disobedience 12»